25 Oct 2015

A Little Break

im studying right now for my first paper today but seems my mood turned down and all i think is wanted to make an entry. i been rarely here and now i wanna start writing back. well, i guess i wanna talk about him, again.

an entry about 'him' 
4.26am thoughts. 

hah doesnt mean i want him back or something like missing him. i just thought that along those years we've been together i should never hate him or saying 'im in pain' or 'been suffer for years' cuz all i knew i felt happy too. i should never blame him for all the pain i felt. this is Allah's plan. Allah gave me the feelings, the pain. yeah, maybe we're not meant to be together that's why our relationship not going well and lasts.

i shouda sorry to him cuz keep blaming him without realising maybe im the one who made him being like that. im grateful enough cuz he made me happy and for the sweet memories we've gone through together, for the experiences, and all those stuffs he spent for me.

well too many thoughts i wanted to tell ya but i dont have any idea how to express it.

but unfortunately, i just started having trust issues with people. it's hard to trust anyone even your close friend, though. anyone could be your worst enemy, anytime. two faced people and backstabbers are everywhere. im afraid of people.

شكرا جزيلا

Final Examination!

it feels like a dream, ive been here already over a year. yep, over a year past and feels such it was yesterday i came here and build friendship, study, get to know so many friends and so on. only got 2 semesters left and im going to graduate hihi. i cant believe tomorrow is the biggest day for me and so my collegemate. it's final examination. yeah, i know ive done so much mistakes through these past few years, and this time i have to rise and shine brightly. i have to show the whole world that im the-great-one.
and even after all this time, after all the pain i been suffered, i should take it as a lesson instead giving up. although i lost someone that i really love doesnt mean i have to ruin my future. i wont let it be a main reason i lose hope and give up on studies. im not the dumb one, no more! well i still have so much things to think about and responsibility toward my family. i have to make my parents proud of me and one day people going to say, "how come she can get up from the pain and eventually, now, she's standing in the eyes of the world". think smart and look forward because i know im stronger than people ever knew me.
moreover, this semester break im not going back to sabah due to so many responsibilities have to be done here aicehh. hahahaha. and maybe i want to take time to heal the pain. a gateaway in peninsular. yep, could be i dont want to see him anymore. i just forgot everything and moved on yet there is still a slight discomfort if i saw him again eventhough i really miss my hometown, family and absolutely sabah, my-own-country but unfortunately i have to fight with my own battle inside myself and keeping my distance from the person that have to be avoided. something has to be realised, i freed! free from the pain that used to hurt me so much, from the misery i been suffered, every-single-day. and now, my days are brighter and full with laughter and joy. cant deny im so happy with people around me that brought joy and happiness into my life until i can forget him easily. i dont think about finding someone new yet, well if the time has come, i'll find a replace, a better one, even there are so many choices hahahah okay too early for me. i still wanna enjoy this freedom and dont wanna involve in a love relationship. it's bored, but flirting is great hahahaha just kidding kid!
anyhow! im sorry if ive done mistakes to you guys (whoever read this entry) and sorry for all my wrongdoings that hurt you. wish me luck for my final examination. cant wait for next semester! hehehe. bye

شكرا جزيلا

24 Oct 2015

Come Back!


seems im rarely here bc im too busy with studies and assignments. so yeah today i wanna spend my time modifying or maybe remove something that arent relevant anymore to be shown here cuz through this year, so many things happened unexpectedly. well i think im mature enough to handle the pain that i used to. no more crawling back and crying af. hahahah

almost 4 years relationship just ruined. there are no more us. i believe Allah's plan is better than us'. inshaallah.

شكرا جزيلا